11-14-03/ 7:00am
Beneath my skin
Iniside of me
Lost within
One eternity...
-Shared
Scarlet veils
Tattered gowns
Empty bottles
Broken crowns
Crawling on in
In me- you
Vacant eyes see
Nothing new
-Scared?
Why do i care?
i never cared before
(like this)
i'll never care again
(love this)
-You don't care anymore...
Forgive/Forget
Believe/Deny
Trust someone for
One last time
i still dream of you
Eyes- the bluest of blue...
But i'd sooner die than
Live with losing you...
-Won't...
Written word
Truthful lies
You don't read
Between the lines...
Beneath my skin
Deep inside of me
We're all lost within
For eternity...
-Don't...
Run...
Lie...
Leave...
Deny...
Hurt...
Hide...
Go...
Dive...
Note
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Comments
The rhymning is great... it flows so well and the sentances are so short... brilliant...
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...and I stood in the blinding light and saw the pure heart of Hope. Hope beyond the feeble imaginations of men. Hope that cannot be extinguished.
--
TheOneAndOnly
Three Ppl Worth Checking Out:
Ruben- [link]
Richard- [link]
Aaron- [link]
In me- you
Vacant eyes see
Nothing new
-Scared?"
- I don't like that stanza. To me, the flow suffers because the rhythm is off. The lines are longer than in the first two, so as I read the two before I read them with fast-paced intrigue, until I get to this and it slows down due to the capacity of the brain. I just think it ruins the flow.
Overall, the piece is quite beautiful.
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no.
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"Quotes relevant to your life are the only ones worth knowing."
~cheese-club --
--
"The Knowledge! It FILLS me!! It is NEAT!!!"
~Gir~ from Invader Zim
"Of all the things I've lost, i miss my mind the most."
"stuff is kewl" ~me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes, I am crazy."
Peace, Love, and Yahweh!! "^_^"
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...and I stood in the blinding light and saw the pure heart of Hope. Hope beyond the feeble imaginations of men. Hope that cannot be extinguished.
Well, yeah, i've noticed my style evolving... i guess it's cuz i read a lot of Ruben's work, and quite frankly, admire it greatly... i don't think my writings like Ruben's specifically... i just think it kinda deviates from the norm... *shrugs*
Your opinion has been duly noted.
--
TheOneAndOnly
Three Ppl Worth Checking Out:
Ruben- [link]
Richard- [link]
Aaron- [link]
--
TheOneAndOnly
Three Ppl Worth Checking Out:
Ruben- [link]
Richard- [link]
Aaron- [link]
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